The world continues to amaze me as I watch it unfold and literally blossom. There are many puzzle pieces to talk about and I’m not sure which one to zero in on. I will circle around a bit here so please bear with me; it will come together.
I had an idea in my kitchen; right here in my house, in this room in 2009. It was just a notion, but it had a sliver of possibility. Just one idea in someone’s mind during a time that is now a bundled memory of tears, lawsuits, funeral homes, sadness loss and grief.
Here it is three years later and I bask in gratitude for the opportunity for transformation.
The residual effect of 2008, 2009 and 2010 (at least in my mind) is now showing up via breast cancer, but this I can outrun, at least for now. Today I can jump over it, hip-check it, drop-kick it, laugh at it, go around it, deny it, ignore it and squeeze past it.
Maybe I can make cancer never return by lopping off my remaining breast that now has 2 masses (benign, you say? Really? Isn’t that what you said about the innocent polyp that was one of three masses that I shouldn’t worry about? Oh, you didn’t see the third one and it is lucky I had a mastectomy or it wouldn’t have been seen and it was twice as much as what you DID see originally? No biopsy needed you say?) I’ll see what the oncologist has to say next week I do believe that it is time for a 2nd opinion. I think I’ll schedule my second mastectomy in November.
I’m fortunate to have been born into a strong body and even more fortunate to not have had awarness of a toxicity in my world for 50 years. Had I seen what was happening around me, surely it would have hindered my confidence or at least have made me want to give up.
The fact that I couldn’t “see” beyond my happy self is what caused an earthquake inside of me when it all came crashing down. Now it seems like a volcano that is erupting but that is a good thing.
I see people around me who are having better lives because of my experience, because of my history, and an idea; a notion. It is like a dream that I’m waking into and it astounds me.
I needed to spend some time circling, reacting, processing and falling to my knees before I could begin to try to get up, much less reset.
Looking back now, the image comes up as being tossed around like sand in the waves.
It is a fine line I suppose, between denial and enlightment.
What I know is this:
Life is incredibly brief.
The world is not big.
Life is hilarious.
We take ourselves too seriously.
None of us get out of here alive.
Everyone is doing their best with the tools that they have.
It doesn’t matter how we feel, it only matters what DO.
You don’t know what anyone else is really thinking.
Together we can change the world.
I am changing the world.
I am strong.
There is something satisfying about poetic justice.
People often don’t know what the FK the reality is when they assume they know truth.
I talk too much, often.
Everyone is mostly frightened.
Head High is a good motto.
There is no option for myself other than to try to make the world a better place for people.
Lead by example.
Do not judge others.
Throw the rope but figure out when to reel it in.
Jump through the holes by seeing where the pack is at.
Did I mention that life is hilarious?
I didn’t even get to the things I wanted to talk about such as roller derby but I will.