Sad isn’t Bad

The first week after my surgery was pretty much agony and now I’m hearing the funny stories about how I acted around people who were here to help tend to my recovery; I don’t remember much.

After hitting on a medication that took things from agony to extreme discomfort I was very relieved. I can handle moderate to extreme discomfort which in and of itself) reminds me to be thankful that I’m not in agony.

Now I’m wading through my piles of work and trying to understand how to get the rest that I need. Am I thankful? …. yes. Am I optimistic?…95% of the time.

This moment is the 5% of the time that I feel sad. I’m allowing this time because a lot has happened here. I don’t know how I will avoid growing this disease again though I know that to worry is not the answer. I don’t know why my internet is slow or why my faxes won’t go through or how to hook up my son’s television. I don’t know how I’ll pay my bills without a “poor me I have cancer fundraiser” but that is a last resort.

I know I will play a part in changing peoples lives and I need to do it as fast as I can. I don’t know how or why I’m on this mission but it is the only thing that makes any sense.

I see people on the street and I think they are PRECIOUS. I know this is FK’ing WEIRD but it is true. I see the very best in people and I don’t know why I don’t see the things that other people see in one another. I don’t know sometimes if I’m cut out for this place and that scares me.

Sometimes I think that know for sure I’m not meant to grow old but who is? And why would this be bad? The truth to me is that it isn’t bad; it just is. There aren’t any rules about how long we should be here. I need to do what I can each and every day to move forward while I’m here.

I’m so sad for all of the people who are sick and struggling and I’m sad for what we all need to go through when we lose each other. I’m sad for what I’m going through and I’m working hard to be ok with sadness.

We’re all here for such a short time overall so why do people hurt each other? I don’t really know if I will ever understand this but I doubt that anyone ever will.

Tomorrow is another brand new opportunity and my guess is that I’ll be back to the 95%.

That is the coolest thing ever.


About thehotflashseattle

I'm a person who found derby at JUST the right time in my life to give me hope, make me stronger and experience something that had been waiting for me all these years! My mightiest goal is to mainstream the sport of roller derby. My selfish goal is to help other people find ways to skate,connect and inspire each other to get back on track when they begin to slip off and help them up when they fall. Doing this helps me believe that there are others ready to do the same for me. In 2012 I had four surgeries, two of which were mastectomies and now at 57 I'm cancer free and back on track. Three years ago on this profile I claimed not to be a "great" coach but wanted to share what I knew. I am revising that statement at this time because I have figured out that I'm a survivor, a warrior and a damn good coach! I am the founder of OneWorld Roller Derby in the Greater Seattle area. We are sharing our resources to help other leagues form and we're creating a circuit that is coming together utilizing USA Roller Sports as a common link. We are bring roller derby to schools, colleges, parks departments and community centers across the US. Helping each other through the pack is what makes life work for me. In the world we get knocked down, get back up, reset and help each other through the pack. We look ahead for the holes to jump through. We gain momentum to find the endurance we need to be able to make it around the track one more time even when we don't think we can. Derby = life = Derby; It's all the same game to me.
This entry was posted in Fitness, Hope, Inspiration, Roller Derby, skating enthusiast, Sports, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Sad isn’t Bad

  1. I love your outlook on life. Thank you for sharing, I really am glad to know that are beautiful souls out wandering around out there!

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