So far I haven’t taken time to stop. After hearing about breast cancer this week I’ve been busy working, going on appointments, researching, talking, processing and in general being consumed every waking moment.
This afternoon I had some deadlines for the small amount of real estate I do and also had to get to the bank, pay some bills and begin to get caught up in quickbooks. I had to get my son from school and around an hour prior to getting him started to panic about not getting everything done. I realized that I can’t stop to get the rest I need.
If I stop to get the rest I need there will be real consequences that will cause problems. I can’t yet afford to pay someone to do my accounting or my books. The reality of this situation started to creep into my head.
I can joke about it or be inspiring but what I don’t want to do is pretend to be something that I’m not.
I’m really tired and I can see why things have been brewing inside of me. I was so close to missing the mountain top and right now I don’t want to see the lesson I should learn or rise above.
I want to stop and rest. I don’t know how to make that happen and that makes me really sad. Taking the time off to recover from major surgery is going to make life hell playing catch up.
That is the other side of the coin. If I’m sad for a little while then maybe tomorrow I wont’ be so tired when I start to dig into my pile of work in between appointments.
I’m not feeling like Im anyone to inspire anyone else right now. If I can accept that tonight maybe tomorrow I won’t be so tired and can get back to the bigger truth.