Other side of the coin

So far I haven’t taken time to stop. After hearing about breast cancer this week I’ve been busy working, going on appointments, researching, talking, processing and in general being consumed every waking moment.

This afternoon I had some deadlines for the small amount of real estate I do and also had to get to the bank, pay some bills and begin to get caught up in quickbooks. I had to get my son from school and around an hour prior to getting him started to panic about not getting everything done. I realized that I can’t stop to get the rest I need.

If I stop to get the rest I need there will be real consequences that will cause problems. I can’t yet afford to pay someone to do my accounting or my books. The reality of this situation started to creep into my head.

I can joke about it or be inspiring but what I don’t want to do is pretend to be something that I’m not. 

I’m really tired and I can see why things have been brewing inside of me. I was so close to missing the mountain top and right now I don’t want to see the lesson I should learn or rise above. 

I want to stop and rest. I don’t know how to make that happen and that makes me really sad. Taking the time off to recover from major surgery is going to make life hell playing catch up.

That is the other side of the coin. If I’m sad for a little while then maybe tomorrow I wont’ be so tired when I start to dig into my pile of work in between appointments. 

I’m not feeling like Im anyone to inspire anyone else right now. If I can accept that tonight maybe tomorrow I won’t be so tired and can get back to the bigger truth.

 

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About thehotflashseattle

I'm a person who found derby at JUST the right time in my life to give me hope, make me stronger and experience something that had been waiting for me all these years! My mightiest goal is to mainstream the sport of roller derby. My selfish goal is to help other people find ways to skate,connect and inspire each other to get back on track when they begin to slip off and help them up when they fall. Doing this helps me believe that there are others ready to do the same for me. In 2012 I had four surgeries, two of which were mastectomies and now at 57 I'm cancer free and back on track. Three years ago on this profile I claimed not to be a "great" coach but wanted to share what I knew. I am revising that statement at this time because I have figured out that I'm a survivor, a warrior and a damn good coach! I am the founder of OneWorld Roller Derby in the Greater Seattle area. We are sharing our resources to help other leagues form and we're creating a circuit that is coming together utilizing USA Roller Sports as a common link. We are bring roller derby to schools, colleges, parks departments and community centers across the US. Helping each other through the pack is what makes life work for me. In the world we get knocked down, get back up, reset and help each other through the pack. We look ahead for the holes to jump through. We gain momentum to find the endurance we need to be able to make it around the track one more time even when we don't think we can. Derby = life = Derby; It's all the same game to me.
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One Response to Other side of the coin

  1. Anne Green says:

    You need to just take care of yourself and not worry about inspiring anyone. You are inspirational but not because you are constantly working to be a font of inspiration but just because you are you and becoming more truly you with every day. Rest and remember one day at a time, just take it one day at a time. Everything will get done one way or another. Love, nurture and respect yourself and your body—it’s talking to you….not that I’m trying to tell you what to do or anything:)
    xxoooxxxlove youXXXOOOO

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